What is the formula for tapping into the Universal flow of abundance? First, we have to study how the Universal Laws work and function. The Universe is like a suspended animation, full of possibilities. Now, intention collapses this suspension and creates action. If we are going to put the intention of abundance and prosperity, definitely we will see the manifestation of abundance. Where human beings are disconnected is the part that because we are living in the physical world or materialism, somehow we can’t see how spirituality is the same as physical reality.

In this formula, we have to explore where your heart is. If you have fear in your heart’s desires, you will not be able to tap into this treasure house of abundance because you can’t occupy two things at the same time and space. Fear and love can’t occupy the same space. Love is the secret of all abundance and connection to the Universal abundance. We need to put our attention only to love and abundance will grow. It is like faith pray and pray like you already have the answer, this is how Jesus tell his followers to believe. There is no wavering in your own faith and belief in God.

If we put fear inside our hearts then this grows like wild weed, we need to pull it out and fill our hearts with pure intention and unconditional love for our selves and others. We connect to the Divine’s heart of love and wisdom. When we do this our input of love is increase and abundance manifests. We start attracting things that will magnify our realities and the things that we want to create along with our higher selves. We align to our highest potential and soul’s purpose.

Intention plus increase Love is equals to Universal Abundance. Then, our reality will manifest abundance, love and faith. The Universe is ours let us place our hearts into this vast and magnificent suspension of potential possibilities in our thoughts, words and deeds. Release fear and blockages and let go, go with the flow of love within our being and allow this flow to bring in the essence of who you truly are, an infinite creation of love and abundance in this Universal flow of energy. Believe in your abundant and magnificent soul.

What are the treasures hidden in the darkness? these are the sufferings, difficulties and trials that we go through in our lives. While we are going through the motions we don’t know that these will turn out to be gifts until God reveals to us the bigger purpose of these experiences. Things happen for a reason, and I believe God  is always there with us in the midst of our tribulations. When I had abortion surely God was with me weeping and sobbing in the deepest cries of my heart. He had heard my wailing and seen my broken heart. Through this pain I became very aware and compassionate about others pain. I can’t turn my back on someone who’s in pain and always be there to reach out to others. Can you imagine this world of darkness if someone can not see the light? Where would that person be? Will he take his own life out of desperation? Would he be wallowing in pity and self- torture? These questions are some things that a desperate person would be contemplating. I had lots of dark nights of my soul and was longing for God’s answers but didn’t feel His presence. He was too far to reach me and my soul is quenching in thirst for His love. “Where are you in the midst of this despair?” I ask God. You don’t hear God’s words and only when you surrender to Him then, I slowly hear Him again. The treasures are stored in the most precious gift of God inside my little heart. When I’m going through some darkness I just have to remind myself that treasures are hidden in the darkness.”And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness-secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. ” Isaiah 45:3

This letter was written on May 10, 2004 to my father for our healing and I also talked about this is in my You tube site which is under “Tezamysticangel” which has now attracted 81,400 viewers since I’ve opened it on 2008.

Happy 85′th birthday! I’m writing this letter because I want to put a closure to my healing wounds. In doing so I will be able to let go of all the feelings that I wasn’t able to tell you because of so many reasons. I will help the little girl in me to have a voice and finally be heard. To continue to grow in trust and safety in God’s hands.

Papa, I wanted you to know that I’ve forgiven you for all the things that you’ve done to me in the past. Bur deep inside of me there are so many unspoken pains and unhealed memories of the past that needed to be in the light. In order to dispel the power of darkness. What I mean to say is that I needed to tell you so that it will not come back to haunt me anymore. Like a ghost restless and haunting. I still remembered growing up, you used to call me in your room and seduced me with fruits to go inside and you would tell me that it’s our secret. Then, you would ask me to remove my uniform shirt because it was too hot and I would do that and ate my fruits and watched tv. I can vividly remember how you watched and lusted for me. I didn’t knkow better because you were my father. I thought love is seduction and lust. I would feel important, special and wanted because this is the way you shared love to me. Why did you do this? Are you sick?

For whatever reasons the damage was done and I was broken. I didn’t know that this is the way a father should treat his daughter. The most hurful part of this is when you sucked my breast after the abortion. Do you know how deep is the wound that you have stubbed me in my heart? It felt like a sword had cut right through my heart. I lost my true identiy as a woman. I don’t know how to trust, love and respect my body. I don’t know the concept of boundary because of your trespasses. I don’t know my self worth, it felt like a garbage dirty and not wanted. These are all the ugly feelings that resulted from what you had sowed in my little girl’s heart. I’m not going through counseling and it was revealed to me that I needed to write a letter to heal my deepest wounds.

Papa, I’ve truly forgiven you. This letter will surely hurt but the intention is to share with you my deepest sorrows, in order for me to heal completely. This is from the past and I know God wants me to bury this behind. Out of this experience I became closer to God, telling Him all my heartaches. I would like to end this with a prayer for both of us.

Dearest God,

We thank you for bringing us together in spirit, being able to voice out my feelings and opening my wounds to my father. To bring a closure to the past. We ask you for forgiveness, compassion and mercy. Thank you for renewing our minds, body and souls. Transform us into your image and use us as instruments of your healing power. That with our story we could touch other souls who are going through the same darkness. Thank you for bringing your light into our hearts. The light that heals and comforts our broken hearts. Thank you for being a Father to all of us, and I ask you to bless my father and fill his heart with complete joy, love and peace. We ask you this through Christ our Lord Amen.

Praying for healing and true forgiveness,
Teza

From death to life: a teeanage abortion survivor tells her story

This is my written testimony on May 21, 2001 that I wrote in The B.C. Catholic newspaper and I’m here and inspired to share this to all to promote the sanctity of life.

This is what the Lord says; “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.”

“Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, ” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.”(Jer. 31:15-17)

This is the start of the story of Jasmine, my sweet angel. I knew all along God had a bigger plan for my life, because I believe He will never allow these trials if not for a purpose. In writing this story I ask God to guide me in this calling, it’s a calling because I would not be telling you my life story if not for His glory. God seems to have designed my heart this way. Deeply, I don’t have shame, guilt, fear or desire to be secretive about this situation because in my heart I believe the truth will set you free! Nothing is hidden in His eyes, and I will gladly serve others by my experience if it will bring forth good fruits.

I was living in the Phillippines when it happend; I was just 14 when my parents decided that we would be moving to California. My parents left ahead of me, and I was left under the supervision of my brother. Unfortunately, my brother was quite over protective and insecure. He was physically and verbally abusive towards me. Due to confusion and abandonement, I became a rebel. I had a boyfriend and decided to take revenge on my brother. On my brother’s birthday I dared my boyfriend to make love to me. What a dumb idea but at that time I needed love and validation. I became pregnant.

My parents returned from California. They were worried about the family’s reputation, and my father and brother told me that I had to choose to either marry my boyfriend or abort the baby. I was very depressed, because I wanted to keep the baby but did not want to get married. The next thing I knew my brother and sister took me to a stranger’s house. I can vividly picture the house of that abortionist. There were lots of statues of saints, and in the bedroom where she did the abortions there were fetuses inside the jars, in alignment.

I was very shocked and hurt to see this. I never uttered a word. It was like going to a death sentence. She asked me to lie down and inserted a catheter. I was numb and mentally blank. I felt abused and was dying inside. She told my family that the baby would not be expelled until the next day, so we left. We went to my other brother’s house, because my parents didn’t want me back home. Around 3 o’clock in the morning I was bleeding and in extreme pain. I went to void and felt something. I looked and in the toilet and there was a little mass of blood. Shocked, I screamed at my sister and she flushed the toilet. I was hemorrhaging. My brother wrapped me in a blanket and ran for a taxi, carrying me all the way.

They returned me to that abortionist, and she performed a D and C without anaesthesia. I was in agony but my agony was about losing my baby not about the physical pain. She said I was the only person (on whom she had performed such a procedure) who didn’t scream in pain. She didn’t know that I was dying inside. After a couple of weeks I returned to my parents. But I felt lonely, because nobody talked to me. It was as if everybody was avoiding me. I started isolating myself to the point of not leaving my room for a month. I went into a deep depression. I remember my sister said to me “I missed your laughter, what happend to you?” The vibrant teenager that they knew was gone. In my loneliness I continually blamed God and angry at the world. I wanted to die.

Finally, my family couldn’t handle me anymore, I went to hospital and stayed for a month, being treated with strong anti- depressant medications. I started seeing a Psychiatrist and was put into therapy. I remember I wrote a letter addressed to my family and titled it “Open book,” about my feelings. It was a beautiful book and I wish I had kept it for you to know how a teenager feels when she had been stripped away of her rights. A right to give life!

The story didn’t end there my depression stayed with me till 18 yrs of age. I came to Canada and stayed at my brother’s place for a vacation. I found out that they were unable to have children. They were married for 10 yrs, I really felt bad about it. I said a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help for them.

I got pregnant again. This time I did something right. I hid it from my family for six months so they could not kill my child. I dedicated my baby to my brother. Every night, I talked to my child and told him that I’m doing this because of love. I knew I couldn’t provide for him, and he wasn’t going to have a father if I kept him because again I didn’t want to commit. Matt Anthony was born and he was a gift from God. I told God that this is my offering for the abortion that I had when I was 15. Even though it wasn’t my plan to commit that hideous sin, I still felt responsible, because it was my body that was used. The guilt that I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders. When Matt was two months old, I gave him to my brother.

I had an awesome revelation during a retreat I recently went on. I know God wants me to do something about my experience. I was reading Jeremiah in my Bible and thought that Rachel sounded familiar. I remembered seeing Project Rachel on the bulletin board of Our Lady of Mercy church. It is an organization that helps women with post-abortion issues. I talked to my parish priest and ask him “where do aborted babies go father?”He replied, “in the palm of God’s hands!” My heart leaped for joy knowing Jasmine, my sweet angel, is with God waiting and praying for me.

This letter was written when I was asked to write something for my aborted child in a book that was published for aborted babies in the Christian community. Out of the blue I got a letter from someone that they want a letter for my aborted baby and this transpired.

Thirty three yrs ago, I lost the chance of having you because of unfortunate choices that my family made in my young life of fifteen. Although, it wasn’t my choice to lose you, my body was the vehicle of your death and felt a great sense of grief, guilt and responsibility for this hideous murder. Looking back I really don’t know how I stayed sane through the course of my lifetime. As you know your brothers and sister had kept me going through all the years. They gave me the chance to be a good mother, which I never had with you. Losing you made me a better person and realized that I have the voice to reach out to those women who are experiencing the same agony. To give hope where there is doubt and to bring light where there is darkness. You taught me the greatest thing of all which is love.

I’ve been writing about us and never really thought of writing to you until this calling was made. This is the first time that I truly communicated with you. I don’t know how or what I’m going to tell you but I’m doing it anyway. You are my sweet angel and always watching over me and your siblings. In your world there is so much love that I can hardly wait to be there. All my life I wanted to be with you but I guess I still have some work to do here. I believe things happen for a reason and in God’s hands I surrender my life.

Jasmine, I’m truly sorry for not haviing you and for my family’s action of abortion. I can’t bring back the past and all I have now is the present moment. I want you to know that even though I lost you, that you are always in my heart and soul. Everytime I see and smell flowers I’m reminded of you and your beauty in my life. Can you imagine that out of a dreadful experience I will bear fruits of healing, love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, surrender, serenity and peace? These are the gifts that you brought into my heart and I thank you for forgiving and allowing me to be your mother in spirit.

Love is timeless and boundless. My love for you is as real as here and now. It leaps through space and time. It is eternal and bliss. Thank you for your presence and love that I feel in my heart. There is nothing in this world that would make my life completely perfect until that time when you take my hand and meet me there in the gateway of heaven.

I love you with my heart and soul.

Mommy Teza