This letter was written on May 10, 2004 to my father for our healing and I also talked about this is in my You tube site which is under “Tezamysticangel” which has now attracted 81,400 viewers since I’ve opened it on 2008.

Happy 85′th birthday! I’m writing this letter because I want to put a closure to my healing wounds. In doing so I will be able to let go of all the feelings that I wasn’t able to tell you because of so many reasons. I will help the little girl in me to have a voice and finally be heard. To continue to grow in trust and safety in God’s hands.

Papa, I wanted you to know that I’ve forgiven you for all the things that you’ve done to me in the past. Bur deep inside of me there are so many unspoken pains and unhealed memories of the past that needed to be in the light. In order to dispel the power of darkness. What I mean to say is that I needed to tell you so that it will not come back to haunt me anymore. Like a ghost restless and haunting. I still remembered growing up, you used to call me in your room and seduced me with fruits to go inside and you would tell me that it’s our secret. Then, you would ask me to remove my uniform shirt because it was too hot and I would do that and ate my fruits and watched tv. I can vividly remember how you watched and lusted for me. I didn’t knkow better because you were my father. I thought love is seduction and lust. I would feel important, special and wanted because this is the way you shared love to me. Why did you do this? Are you sick?

For whatever reasons the damage was done and I was broken. I didn’t know that this is the way a father should treat his daughter. The most hurful part of this is when you sucked my breast after the abortion. Do you know how deep is the wound that you have stubbed me in my heart? It felt like a sword had cut right through my heart. I lost my true identiy as a woman. I don’t know how to trust, love and respect my body. I don’t know the concept of boundary because of your trespasses. I don’t know my self worth, it felt like a garbage dirty and not wanted. These are all the ugly feelings that resulted from what you had sowed in my little girl’s heart. I’m not going through counseling and it was revealed to me that I needed to write a letter to heal my deepest wounds.

Papa, I’ve truly forgiven you. This letter will surely hurt but the intention is to share with you my deepest sorrows, in order for me to heal completely. This is from the past and I know God wants me to bury this behind. Out of this experience I became closer to God, telling Him all my heartaches. I would like to end this with a prayer for both of us.

Dearest God,

We thank you for bringing us together in spirit, being able to voice out my feelings and opening my wounds to my father. To bring a closure to the past. We ask you for forgiveness, compassion and mercy. Thank you for renewing our minds, body and souls. Transform us into your image and use us as instruments of your healing power. That with our story we could touch other souls who are going through the same darkness. Thank you for bringing your light into our hearts. The light that heals and comforts our broken hearts. Thank you for being a Father to all of us, and I ask you to bless my father and fill his heart with complete joy, love and peace. We ask you this through Christ our Lord Amen.

Praying for healing and true forgiveness,
Teza

From death to life: a teeanage abortion survivor tells her story

This is my written testimony on May 21, 2001 that I wrote in The B.C. Catholic newspaper and I’m here and inspired to share this to all to promote the sanctity of life.

This is what the Lord says; “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.”

“Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, ” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.”(Jer. 31:15-17)

This is the start of the story of Jasmine, my sweet angel. I knew all along God had a bigger plan for my life, because I believe He will never allow these trials if not for a purpose. In writing this story I ask God to guide me in this calling, it’s a calling because I would not be telling you my life story if not for His glory. God seems to have designed my heart this way. Deeply, I don’t have shame, guilt, fear or desire to be secretive about this situation because in my heart I believe the truth will set you free! Nothing is hidden in His eyes, and I will gladly serve others by my experience if it will bring forth good fruits.

I was living in the Phillippines when it happend; I was just 14 when my parents decided that we would be moving to California. My parents left ahead of me, and I was left under the supervision of my brother. Unfortunately, my brother was quite over protective and insecure. He was physically and verbally abusive towards me. Due to confusion and abandonement, I became a rebel. I had a boyfriend and decided to take revenge on my brother. On my brother’s birthday I dared my boyfriend to make love to me. What a dumb idea but at that time I needed love and validation. I became pregnant.

My parents returned from California. They were worried about the family’s reputation, and my father and brother told me that I had to choose to either marry my boyfriend or abort the baby. I was very depressed, because I wanted to keep the baby but did not want to get married. The next thing I knew my brother and sister took me to a stranger’s house. I can vividly picture the house of that abortionist. There were lots of statues of saints, and in the bedroom where she did the abortions there were fetuses inside the jars, in alignment.

I was very shocked and hurt to see this. I never uttered a word. It was like going to a death sentence. She asked me to lie down and inserted a catheter. I was numb and mentally blank. I felt abused and was dying inside. She told my family that the baby would not be expelled until the next day, so we left. We went to my other brother’s house, because my parents didn’t want me back home. Around 3 o’clock in the morning I was bleeding and in extreme pain. I went to void and felt something. I looked and in the toilet and there was a little mass of blood. Shocked, I screamed at my sister and she flushed the toilet. I was hemorrhaging. My brother wrapped me in a blanket and ran for a taxi, carrying me all the way.

They returned me to that abortionist, and she performed a D and C without anaesthesia. I was in agony but my agony was about losing my baby not about the physical pain. She said I was the only person (on whom she had performed such a procedure) who didn’t scream in pain. She didn’t know that I was dying inside. After a couple of weeks I returned to my parents. But I felt lonely, because nobody talked to me. It was as if everybody was avoiding me. I started isolating myself to the point of not leaving my room for a month. I went into a deep depression. I remember my sister said to me “I missed your laughter, what happend to you?” The vibrant teenager that they knew was gone. In my loneliness I continually blamed God and angry at the world. I wanted to die.

Finally, my family couldn’t handle me anymore, I went to hospital and stayed for a month, being treated with strong anti- depressant medications. I started seeing a Psychiatrist and was put into therapy. I remember I wrote a letter addressed to my family and titled it “Open book,” about my feelings. It was a beautiful book and I wish I had kept it for you to know how a teenager feels when she had been stripped away of her rights. A right to give life!

The story didn’t end there my depression stayed with me till 18 yrs of age. I came to Canada and stayed at my brother’s place for a vacation. I found out that they were unable to have children. They were married for 10 yrs, I really felt bad about it. I said a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help for them.

I got pregnant again. This time I did something right. I hid it from my family for six months so they could not kill my child. I dedicated my baby to my brother. Every night, I talked to my child and told him that I’m doing this because of love. I knew I couldn’t provide for him, and he wasn’t going to have a father if I kept him because again I didn’t want to commit. Matt Anthony was born and he was a gift from God. I told God that this is my offering for the abortion that I had when I was 15. Even though it wasn’t my plan to commit that hideous sin, I still felt responsible, because it was my body that was used. The guilt that I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders. When Matt was two months old, I gave him to my brother.

I had an awesome revelation during a retreat I recently went on. I know God wants me to do something about my experience. I was reading Jeremiah in my Bible and thought that Rachel sounded familiar. I remembered seeing Project Rachel on the bulletin board of Our Lady of Mercy church. It is an organization that helps women with post-abortion issues. I talked to my parish priest and ask him “where do aborted babies go father?”He replied, “in the palm of God’s hands!” My heart leaped for joy knowing Jasmine, my sweet angel, is with God waiting and praying for me.

This letter was written when I was asked to write something for my aborted child in a book that was published for aborted babies in the Christian community. Out of the blue I got a letter from someone that they want a letter for my aborted baby and this transpired.

Thirty three yrs ago, I lost the chance of having you because of unfortunate choices that my family made in my young life of fifteen. Although, it wasn’t my choice to lose you, my body was the vehicle of your death and felt a great sense of grief, guilt and responsibility for this hideous murder. Looking back I really don’t know how I stayed sane through the course of my lifetime. As you know your brothers and sister had kept me going through all the years. They gave me the chance to be a good mother, which I never had with you. Losing you made me a better person and realized that I have the voice to reach out to those women who are experiencing the same agony. To give hope where there is doubt and to bring light where there is darkness. You taught me the greatest thing of all which is love.

I’ve been writing about us and never really thought of writing to you until this calling was made. This is the first time that I truly communicated with you. I don’t know how or what I’m going to tell you but I’m doing it anyway. You are my sweet angel and always watching over me and your siblings. In your world there is so much love that I can hardly wait to be there. All my life I wanted to be with you but I guess I still have some work to do here. I believe things happen for a reason and in God’s hands I surrender my life.

Jasmine, I’m truly sorry for not haviing you and for my family’s action of abortion. I can’t bring back the past and all I have now is the present moment. I want you to know that even though I lost you, that you are always in my heart and soul. Everytime I see and smell flowers I’m reminded of you and your beauty in my life. Can you imagine that out of a dreadful experience I will bear fruits of healing, love, hope, faith, joy, forgiveness, surrender, serenity and peace? These are the gifts that you brought into my heart and I thank you for forgiving and allowing me to be your mother in spirit.

Love is timeless and boundless. My love for you is as real as here and now. It leaps through space and time. It is eternal and bliss. Thank you for your presence and love that I feel in my heart. There is nothing in this world that would make my life completely perfect until that time when you take my hand and meet me there in the gateway of heaven.

I love you with my heart and soul.

Mommy Teza

In these times of turmoil, sufferings and chaos, human beings who are now experiencing this dilemma in their lifetimes are now releasing these unconscious negative beliefs that are hidden energetically in their existence. Releasing fear and blockage of the truth of who they truly are which is the spirit. There is a spiritual solution for every problem and when things are not going the way you want them to be, then you have to stop and recognize that you magnetize this situation in your realities and ask your self, what is it in me that created this? Most of the times they are unconscious thoughts or beliefs that are embedded deep in the recesses of your being. Some are karmic bondage and unresolved issues from the past that you need to let go and learn the lessons to move forward with your life. When we reflect on the hidden agenda, we are able to open our mind to the truth and open our hearts in allowing a new belief to flow with what you want to create.

Releasing fear, we become empowered to be who we are. Fear is a signal to us where we are not aligned and what we have to face. Facing fear is just like releasing a kite up to the sky to fly, when we hold on too tight to the string that holds the kite we resist and it doesn’t fly higher. Release the fear and you will find that you are liberated from all the illusions that you created in your mind and know in your heart that you are loved. The dreamer in you becomes activated and create the world that you want to see. The desires in your heart manifest to what is appropriate with your vibrations. We then self realized that we are light within and that we have the power to radiate and shine this light into the world. We will become a master of our own existence and know the true purpose of our soul. These are the times of the enlightenment, embodying this light of the Universal and Cosmic mind of God. As we ascend and tune into this light consciousness, we transmute anything that is not of light and toxic to our existence.

Anything that is not vibrating in a high frequency of love and light is a shadow of our own ego and illusion. The chaos  in our energetic field is a mirror of our own inner fear and separation. When we release this fear we become align to our truth which is love and light. The hidden shadows of our emotions such as anger, anxiety, jealousy and greed are just manifestations of our egoic mind and illusions. In the truth only love exists in our fields and be a vessel of light in this existence. The shadow or darkness doesn’t resonate with love and light. When one awakens to the truth, one sees behind the veil of perception and clearly recognizes the truth in every situation. It is about being conscious and aware of all your creations. As human beings we sometimes continue to participate in unconscious acts of illusions or separation. We get ourselves stuck in the shadow and darkness which was our comfort zone. But these are all part of the awakening process, our opening and breakthrough to what is the truth and purpose of our existence.

To be in the truth, we need to align ourselves with the substance of the Universal mind because the Universe functions in the truth. Without this knowing we are lost in our own fear and illusion. The truth resonates within our heart and being conscious of our light that transcends any darkness into light. We are the beacons of light, in order to help this enlightenment we have to allow our bright light to shine. One way to help them transcend their thoughts is by becoming a space for love and light to shine upon them. When they are lost in the dark, the enlightened ones are the guiding light for them to see behind this veil of separation. We can not evolve as one unified and collective consciousness if we ignore those who are lost. We are here to share these gifts and become a support for all that is still in the blind phase of their lifetimes.

Observing others behave in their chaotic situations and seeing the results of their own negative thought patterns makes you wonder how you were in the past and how you lived that victim consciousness for so long without knowing that it actually exist in our own unconscious negative beliefs. Ones aware of your own energetic fields and tap into the Universal mind, you become a conscious being of light. You become one with who you are and what you are suppose to be in this lifetime. You are the light that shines and brings joy into others hearts, bringing them back to their home which is love and light. Returning to home is like feeling at home with your loved ones around you, welcoming your truth and presence. When one is aware of the silence in your inner being one allows the space of unified consciousness. One taps into the Universal bank of the collective consciousness and becomes a conscious being with intent and purpose.

The only way our humanity surpasses these times of chaos and conflicts is to become conscious of our own souls evolution. Without this inner compass of our existence, we are lost continuously creating conflict within and in our external realities. Our thoughts are actively creating our situations and creations, when we tap into our subconscious thoughts we become aware of what we are manifesting and what is not align into our highest potentials. We allow the space of healing and letting our truth resides into our existence, connecting to the source of everything and becoming a space of love and light to radiate in our existence. This is the dream of the dreamer, the art that the artist longs to draw and the tapestry of the weaver’s dream of one unified consciousness into this realm of reality that we co create to manifest within our vista of love and peace for all sentient beings.

Angels are everywhere and it’s so easy to forget this as we traverse our journeys here on Earth. When we are lost in the mundane of things, we become confused and live the lives that are not in congruent to our angelic beings. We go through life unconsciously going with what is thrown to us by our daily works, conversations with others, bombarded with negative energy of others, surrounded by blind people. It is so easy to play blind as well but in the core of your being you know that you are put in a situation where you are needed to be. To share the gifts and wisdom of angelic coded being is your true mission. There is no blockage or hindrance to fulfill your souls purpose when you are align to these angelic beings.

Have you ever wonder to just let go and surrender to this beautiful dreams of living life as an angelic being? Most of the people that wants to do good here on Earth find themselves caught up in the material world. We have to catch our selves and be  in the present moment.  We will use the gifts that we have by just being ourselves. The most discouraging thoughts that we have happens when we expect others to understand and validate us. These sabotages us in our paths, don’t take anything personally and believe that everyone is in their journeys to be enlightened in their own time.

Your teachers of light will come to you as you journey in this lifetime. There are no coincidences everything is in harmony to your ascension. Never in my wildest dreams that I will attain this enlightenment and ascension of my soul when I was blinded just like anybody else in the my search for light. The light that I’m looking for is the light that is in everything and within me. When we are open to these teachings, we allow expansion of  our multidimensional selves to the unknown. The fear of the unknown is the common fear of our humanity because we hold unto our ego and existence. When this is triggered by diseases or facing death, we become vulnerable and only then question our existence, we open our mind to what is.

Our mind is the creator of our external reality and when this mind is entrap inside the box, we can only experience such underlying beliefs and conditions. The mind is in the field therefore we have the potential to tap into the Universal mind of the cosmic energy of our heavens. Healing the mind is very crucial in leading us to our highest potential without this, we are stuck and blocked to our little selves. When our thoughts are energetically aware to what vibrations they are tuning in, we can be conscious of our thinking patterns and lead it to positive and higher vibratory frequency of light.

Every thought and words have energy then we know that everything that we create in this mind field will therefore correspond to its energetic imprints. Be mindful of your thoughts and when you realized that they are not positive, you have the power to change and transform it to its natural state of love and light. Our Source is abundant and when you connect to this, your well being is content and happy. Our body is our vessel to bring our souls purpose, in order to bring the higher teachings of light you have to take care of your vehicle and ground this into Gaia. Without this body we can not function and touch others in their journeys towards ascension. It is a wonderful time to be born into this transition. We choose this lifeline as we know that we are here to serve this humanity towards enlightenment.

Remembering that we all come from one Source is quite an overwhelming thought, the knowing leads us to oneness of all. When you are wired this way, there is no separation from others, you feel that you belong and loved. The Source that you tap into is the same Source for all that is. How great and awesome feelings that you get,  knowing  that your small self belongs to the vast expansive selves of others and the God within is the God of all. We are all in this matrix, a hologram of all that is, energetically and electromagnetically connected to the vast Universe of life. All that is living and non living things are a part of us and we are the micro in the macrocosm of the Universal mind.

As I travel this path of ascension I’m in awe of my inner journey and how I have evolve as this beautiful energy of light to my self and others. I have allow my soul to soar with greatness and lightness. Looking back into my past self and experiences I can not imagine the transformation on my mind and being. How I see things differently and transform my existence into oneness, all my old limiting beliefs and patterns of mind conditioning from victim consciousness into empowered soul is quite an amazing journey. My soul became conscious and aware of its existence knowing where it came from and what the soul is doing in this lifetime. This is the soul evolution that I’m talking about. When you have reached your highest potential and knowing, you have become active in participating in your souls multidimensional state.

Our souls are eternal and lives multidimensional, we are in a parallel Universal lives, many of whom we are not aware. The most conscious lifetime that we know exist in this third dimension but as we evolve and expand we become more conscious of other selves in other dimensions. We are channels of light and when our energy centers are align and open, we become one in the Universal energy and are reconnected to our divinity. We see the unseen and feel the energy in our surroundings and connect to our Source. We become beacons of light in our own unique ways and others are magnetized to us because they are in the same wavelength of our vibrations. Our greatness is inside our magnificent wellspring of wisdom, bring it out to shine into the paths of other light workers.

As we evolve and become one in this Universal mind and cosmic energy, we will bring in the formation of our new Earth. We are the light workers and together we can transform our humanity into light conscious beings, that will vibrate in this high frequency of light to bring in an evolved consciousness into our cellular and molecular levels of knowing. We will transmute all dark energy or shadows into lightness. Our world will be a light filled space of love energy surrounding our bio-ethereal fields and holographic matrices. There will be no war because humanity will be about understanding, compassion, caring and being kind to others. There will be no separation and fear, love and light will rule in each others hearts. This is the world of the evolved souls that came here to remind us of our purpose and how to make this world a beautiful space for our generations to come. Our children of the new world will arise to this wisdom of love and light. We are the bringers of the dawn, create this into your eternal lives and become a light to others.