What is the blueprint of our soul? When we incarnate here on Earth, we have the blueprint of our soul in the realm of the Akasha. This is the Akashic Records of our soul’s evolution from the time it leaves the Source of love and light and incarnate to mother Earth. The moment you are conceived, you are encoded with your soul’s blueprint. Everything is energy and the Akashic downloads this energetic substance when you open your Records. You are healing while you are in this sacred space. You are like an electric cable plugged into the source of electricity. Your electromagnetic fields are being re calibrated into the light being that you are. In your cellular level and holographic fields of energy you are shifting into becoming multi dimensional beings.

When we have the access to these Records, we connect to our highest potential in this lifetime. Our energy centers are align and we live in multi dimensions. These Records can only be accessible when one’s heart is ready to heal and forgive. This is the link to your Divine self. We are here to remember where we came from. The angels are here to waken up humanity. Those that are remembering are now awakening to their truth. We are angelic beings and when we activate these angelic codes into our DNA we learn how to fly again. We become fearless and empowered. We know why we are here and what is our soul’s intention. We become one with all that is.

The process depends on how a person chooses to let go of their ego. Detachment is a part of this process. When one looses their attachment to the materialistic world, they become aware of their consciousness. Then, the ego merges with the spirit and become one with the soul. Embodying fully the code to live in their highest potential. There is limitless possibilities to what a person can do in this lifetime. The result of this evolution will bring inner peace, joy and bliss. There is no judgement, only love.

There are so many paths of attaining awakening and enlightenment. They all direct towards peace, harmony, grace, love and happiness. When we welcome all that is everything, we become one in our I am ness. The sufferings of humanity will be lifted when we shine our light into each others paths. There is love in our hearts when we open and allow healing to take place. Let go of resistance and know that all is well. Whatever emotions that triggers you will be your compass to inner peace and healing. Allow this space to let go of these cellular memories and create a new self in you.

Your existence will be shifting into this multi dimensional being. You will live in parallel dimensions of your self. In this realm there is no time and space. Everything that you want to create is here right now. You are bringing in your future selves in this physical reality that you are grounded. Remembering your soul’s blueprint will give you guidance into living with no time. You will magnetize magnificent experiences that you want to create. You are co creating these experiences with all the Ascended Masters, Light beings, spiritual guides, Archangels and angels that surround you. You will experience ascension in your physical body. Your body will become a conduit for energy to run through and help others to heal.

The messages will be given to you clearly. You will be receiving guidance and directions for your expansion. You are infinitesimal and you will know what is the truth. You become like a detector of the Source of truth. This will help you and others see the blind spots or shadows that the ego is hiding from humanity. The healing is through the heart. When we open the portal of the heart we allow our walls to go down. These walls prevent us from shining our true light. We ask Archangel Michael and the blue flame to heal around our throat chakra. This is where our choices resides and for us to speak our truth. We are aligning our mind and heart to create and manifest our higher self. It is this bridge that will connect our ego to our soul.

We are light workers to bring our true light and shine. When we shine we help others in their shadows. We bring light into the darkness. It radiates love and grace. We become a peacemaker and help others find inner peace. This is our soul’s intention when we incarnate. We just forget where we came from. This is the awakening times and accessing your Akashic Records will help you illuminate these shadows that are blocking you from being your higher self.

Ask the Lords of the Akashic Records to open and guide you in your soul’s path. You will receive downloads of information that sometimes doesn’t make sense. There is no judgements and release your fear. Resistance is a sign of blockage. Reaction can trigger these emotions that are blocked energetically in your DNA. Surrender and allow the healing to take place into your being. You will find that your life is so much easier. There is a flow of abundance and grace. There is peace, love and bliss. The more you access your Akashic Records the more evolve you become. This healing is unfathomable and your blueprint will manifest and create a beautiful life of your true essence.

Blessings of love and light,

Teza

Opening your heart with complete trust is quite deep and wide door to open for us. To experience complete trust that everything will be alright brings us uncertainty. There is the feeling of “what if?” that skeptic voice that lingers around our head that tells us, do you really trust this person? When we are in intimate relationship with someone we become vulnerable to our weaknesses and when something triggers these soft spots we become unclear with our truth. Trust is such a treasure and important to have within yourself if you want to create a pure loving relationship with someone or others.

As we are shifting from all our lower emotional vibrations, we become aware of our feelings and our weaknesses. We want to elevate these feelings of doubts and fears. We have to open our hearts to these new doors that open to us to realize that we are able to love and trust ourselves and others. There are hidden triggers that will touch your core when you are in this space of confusion. Sometimes they are so subtle that you don’t realized you are creating a wall of separation of intimacy. When you have this wall you are not aware until something triggered this situation and you became defensive of what truly feels. You try to hide your truth and there’s a part of you that wants to separate because that is the only way you knew to protect yourself. The wall that you create for protection of your vulnerable heart becomes the tool for isolation to have true love in your life.

When your awareness becomes clear of what is transpiring then you can heal and connect to your emotional pain. Feel the love and light of this new door and allow healing to take place. Allowing this space of letting go and surrendering to the flow of new light and love within your core being and the relationships that you choose. Trusting is a leap of faith, that whatever happens to the situation is what is meant to happen or the lesson to learn. We can’t hold unto expectation because there is no permanency here in our world of illusions. Expectations breed resentments and we are all human beings learning our lessons in our chosen paths.

Focus on what you want to create with your relationships and be clear on your attention. Don’t let the shadow of fear and doubt disillusion you in moving forward towards truth and love. The separation that you are creating is your own comfort zone and you are turning away from fear of the unknown. The lighted path of a spiritual warrior is being able to face his shadow and see himself with total kindness and compassion. Understand that you are here to learn and master yourself beyond chaos and conflicts of life. Take every problems as opportunities to delve in the abyss of the dark nights of your souls.

Listen to your heart and completely trust in the unknown, surrendering your ego and be at one with the pain of your core being and existence. When you have accepted your shadows, you will feel release from the corruption of your soul. You will see yourself in a new light and feel true love for yourself. When this happens trust for others begin to grow as you are able to trust yourself to go beyond the fear and separation that you created from others.

You are now embarking in a new dimension of your new loving self. You are meant to trust your Divine self and others. We just forget this sacred contract when we got hurt in our abusive world. Our perceptions of our wholesomeness became tainted with darkness. We are love and light. Our perceptions of our new selves will bring alignment to our soul’s true path. We will shine this light to others and we will feel love beyond measure because we learn the lesson of trusting our Divine selves and others. Together we will create a peaceful, loving and joyful lives.

Blessings of love and light,
Teza

We are here to radiate and shine God’s light and love for us, to help others see their own light. As mirrors of God’s reflections we see others souls as essence of God’s love for us. We are here to experience love in our core being, because of our physical density, DNA make up from our past ancestors and lineage, cellular memories and consciousness we forget our Divine light. When God created us, God wanted infinitesimal fragments of God’s souls which is all of us. This light that holds the love vibrations of God in our core being and essence is the spirit of God’s breathe in our physical body. We are made of multidimensional layers of energy and light particles that contains the crystalline fields of our molecular anatomy. The microcosm and macrocosm of our existence in the universal mind of God is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent. We are Divine beings of light and love when we align and activate our consciousness with the Divine’s blueprint for our existence.

Activating this Divine energy in our core being, aligning our mind and hearts together, opening the Chakra energy centers, transcending our consciousness with forgiveness and unconditional love for all sentient beings, we become one with God’s love for us. We will see beyond the veil and feel love, peace, joy and bliss in our existence. Our experiences are going to be of love not from fear. We are the observers of what is manifesting in our fields and know that we have the power to shift anything that needs light. Problems don’t affect us anymore, they become windows of opportunities for us to explore. We are the masters of our experiences, choosing love rather than fear.

Forgive your enemies, they are shadows of your soul. When you are able to forgive you are able to accept these shadows in your essence. You become fully in love with all aspects of yourself, just love no judgement, live fully as is, laugh with joy and dance your life away. Life is a creation with the Divine’s Sacred dance and rhythm of God’s love for us. We are one with our Sacred lives in everything that we think, say or do. Life is Sacred, precious gift and manifestation of God’s love for us. This space is available for all of us when we attune to this Divine energy within us. We are able to dissipate darkness with our light and help others see their light.

Humanity is going through a major shift and transition into this light consciousness. We are shifting to our multidimensional state of our consciousness. Our energy and vibrational frequency is shifting with mother Earth’s changes within the planetary, universal and cosmic alignments that is happening in our fields. We are nurture by the sun and we grow within connecting our light into this nourishing glow of the magnificent sun. Our moon is our emotional body, that connects us to the floodgates of our hearts. It reflects and affects us in our emotional and mental fields. The planetary movements affect our archetypal and astrological birth dates. When we are born, we receive these archetypal and planetary blueprints of our souls. As everything is connected in space and energy so as our existence and the universal fields. There is no time and space in this soul continuum, when you live in your multidimensional state of being. You become the anchor of this light for others. You magnetize beautiful experiences when you ground and shine your light to others.

Creation is an important part of your existence. To create with your heart’s desires with passion is your gift to humanity. Everyone is design to create their soul’s blueprint. The question is are you ready to create your highest potential? When you create, it is the heart that magnifies this manifestation. Your passion and attention will determine the result but without action the universe will remain in suspension. Intention will collapse this suspension and create action. The activation of your light consciousness will connect you into the full embodiment of your soul’s purpose. What are you waiting for? This life is yours, create, expand, shine your bright light in the universal fields of God’s love for you and others.

Blessings of love and light!
Teza

Miracles happen when you are awake and aware of your birthright to this universal source of everything which is the creation. We are co creators of our lifetime and if we are wise then we know that everything in our realities are but creations of our subconscious mind. To shift we need to transform our consciousness because this is the path to creation and manifestation. Allowing the flow of life towards abundance and listening to the universal whispers to you which doors to open and receive the gifts of love. It is amazing to be in this space of blissful joy that everything is in accordance to your co creation with the universal energy and God whoever God is for you.

People have unconscious negative beliefs but they are all false illusions from our ego and what’s important is what the heart is telling you. It is the heart that magnifies and the vortex of creation. When our heart is open to allow this beautiful flow of love, we become love and truth is known to us. There is no resistance or blockage to what we can create and we are align to miracles in every moment of our lifetime. We are one conscious field of love and light, when we don’t judge what others are all about. When others are lost they are just in the process of transition, like shadows in the dark they need light to shine through their path to see their own truth. We have power and choices to make these decisions in this lifetime. When we choose love, we feel loved. When we choose fear, we are in the shadows of love which is fear. Light is needed when there is fear to dissipate the shadow and transform  life to its fullest manifestation

Suddenly, your life has shifted right before your eyes and you wonder what did I do to deserve this? These are the fruits of your knowing, your shift in your subconscious mind created these synchronized events that place you into a beautiful space of awe. Life is a mystery, it’s like putting all the missing puzzles together and creating a huge overview of your lifetime together, with all the ups and downs they are your missing link to who you have become right now. You now have new eyes like the twinkle in the eye of a child full of surprises and promises. Living this momentum, you become a beacon of light and love where people are magnetized to your radiance and kindness. Being an advocate of hope for others that there is this space that they can be when things are falling apart in their existence, you lend these hands of faith to help lift others from despair. 

Unconditional love can only manifest when there is no expectation and judgements. These are important when aligning yourself towards the truth of your existence. The more you give the more you receive abundance from the universe. The universe only reacts to what we put out there, it doesn’t know the difference but it runs through the universal laws of manifestation. We attract what we are inside, and when we are align to our truth we can only be truth. The truth will set you free from all illusions and fear. Then freedom of spirit can be attain and be totally free of all things that are hindering humanity to transcend this lifetime.

We are children of the sun, stars, moon, planets, solar system, galaxies, universe and all the things that are in our fields. We are one conscious spirit and many souls that co create what we have. We need to know the access to this beautiful creation and  the path to our Akashic Records which lies in the heart of creation. By forgiving others and ourselves we create an energetic link to peace and love. This is the only path towards oneness, by being one with others and the rest of humanity. Let us not waste our precious time here, to create more miracles of loving and kind experiences. We have the power to do so and become active participants of this beautiful universe as children of light and love.

You are here to experience love within yourself and love for others, watch your thoughts, inspire others, and do some deeds out of love. Let it grow and nurture this seed of love within you and see the fruits of your core being expands and create miracles in your lifetime. We have to let go of our painful memories and open our hearts to what is given to us in our realities. Examine and reflect on what the lessons are and move forward with hope in your heart that everything is here to help you ascend towards the light.

Your relationships are your mirrors and they reflect to you on what you needed to see within your beautiful self. When you see beauty and love it dissipates the anxiety of separation between others. You know deep within that everything passes away and there is no attachment to the outcome of the drama. Conflicts are here to point to you what you needed to learn, lessons to be a better person and align yourself to your soul’s purpose.

The fear of being loved and receiving love is just a shadow of your ego, it wants to separate you from the truth of who you are. Don’t be alarm when your defense wall goes up when love knocks on your door because this is the only way you know how to protect yourself from being hurt. Trust is important in knowing yourself, that you have the choice to shift and be loved. The choices are yours to make, choose love or fear. Life is too short to dwell in the past and have a closed heart. Forgive, move on and laugh at life. Being lighthearted, joyful, loving and kind towards yourself and others will open the doors of your heart and cultivate the seed that is lying dormant within your heart capable of creating miracles along the way.

Blessings of love and light,
Teza

Sent from my iPad

The collective consciousness of humanity today stands in a very dark and deceitful cunning ways of the evil forces. We have to wake up and help others as light workers to bring awareness to what is happening to our realities and how we are being manipulated by media, news and other ways that this web of darkness is using to trap our souls in the pit of hell. This matrix of the elite are controlling us in our mind, body, spirit and soul level that if we are not wide awake, we can easily be caught and entangled back into this spiral of deceptions.This is the separation or underworld that we have here in our fields.

Our roles as beams of light is to transmute and transmit this truth to others who are caught unconsciously or consciously. To remind them of their power, truth and essence. As I watch music videos and movies, I realized that the whole mind game is playing under these hypnosis and when young people are receiving these, they are very vulnerable and follow these idols. Even the idols themselves are probably not aware of their participation in the whole scheme of things. We are bombarded by materials that can lead to attachments and bondage to hide the truth from us which is the beauty of our spirit and soul.

When someone is sexually abused, there is this energetic transfer that occurs between the abuser and victim. This is what I call the black holes in our souls, it becomes a void or empty spot that is not easy to detect if your awareness is not strong enough because the victim somehow becomes addicted to the abuse and doesn’t realize that her manifestations or creations magnetizes these situations until someone recognized this energetic entanglement into their DNA and consciousness. This pattern of unconscious state when not healed becomes a void and shows in relationships that is broken and chaotic.

When one makes love to another being, their souls merged and unified in their spirits whatever emotional charges or vibrations they are carrying. If you are carrying negative emotional vibrations then the other person receives that in her energetic fields. When someone makes love to a person, you are making love to all the person’s partners in their lifetime. When we do this, we become a part of the collective unconscious state of the darkness. Our light becomes dimmed and we can not see beyond the deceptions of this evil force. That is why sexuality and spirituality is together a unified force in the universe. If we want to create a unified consciousness, we have to clear and clean our acts together.

The unconscious state of our humanity caught in this web of deceptions of the evil will continue to be worst if we don’t address the sacredness of sexuality. We need to address this in our children and other victims of sexual abuse to help them transcend the pain and suffering that goes with this deception. This is the most addictive tool that the evil is using against our souls because it is in the spiritual level and when we are open to these attacks, we are blinded by our strong urges and desires. We are human beings and we are biologically built for these pleasures. Our spirit has to be wholesome to know that we are about light and love.

Ways to heal sexual addictions:

1. Surrender to your Higher power that you have this addictions, like in a 12 step program for AA you give this to the Source knowing that you are here to heal with the grace of God, whoever God is for you.

2. Detoxification period, stay away from relationships that will be harmful in your healing.

3. Journal your way through it, learn how to access your Akashic Records a powerful tool to heal your soul.

4. Forgive yourself, those that you have hurt consciously or unconsciously, and forgive others.

5. Start where you are, be gentle and kind to yourself. Guilt is not a healthy friend in healing. Stay positive.

6. Meditation, walking in nature, grounding yourself helps in healing.

7. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive and loving people.

8. Create and visualize yourself as healed and happy.

9. Go to a sexual holistic healer that resonates with your truth.

10. Love yourself, wake up with a joyful mind in service for others.

Remember that things happen to you for a reason and for whatever darkness you have experienced you have the power to turn this into another door to help others transcend their darkness into light, where there is darkness let there be light.

Clearing is part of the process, being aware of our consciousness and when we know that we are operating from survival or fear mode then that is the time to shift into love energy and remember your truth which is your soul. You can remind yourself by using the word CLEAR that stands for Consciousness, Love, Energy, Awareness and Remembrance. Align your mind and heart to connect to your essence, creating a space of unconditional love for all beings. Be love for anyone you come in contact with. There is a gift for this soul to appear in your eyes, they are sent to heal you or remind you of your light. When you listen the answers are given, surrender your life to God and you will find peace and joy.

Love is the answer to your problems, when there is darkness send light and love to dissipate the shadows of fear. The power is within you and you are always guided and protected by the Archangels and angels. Open your heart and let the light penetrate your brokenness to heal your wounded spirit. Let your tears flow and cleanse your cellular memories and consciousness from the toxicity of human conditions. When you allow tears to flow, they renew and create a new pattern of crystalline fields in your human body systems. The water and blood of your physical existence reintegrate the codes of unconditional love and forgiveness which is our link to God.This is the pathway to connect to our God’s essence, when we suffer, then our hearts open the floodgates of Divine’s love and compassion. We become one with others sufferings and transcend our lifetimes with meaning and service, connecting us to our highest calling.

We are now in these times of enlightenment, let others see your shining bright light. Don’t be afraid of your expansion but truly recognize the divine in you. You have been given gifts to share and humanity needs healing to help the sufferings of this world. Unite through the power of unconditional love and forgiveness. Stay away from judgements and reconcile yourself with your enemies. Be love and light that you are. Miracles are here and now, believe and have faith. Don’t allow any fear resides in your mind and heart, call your angels to help you in any distress or sorrows. Lift your spirit with the music in your soul and dance with the angels wings.

Blessings of love and light!
Teza

The angels are calling us to serve our highest purpose which is to be light and help others remember their highest purpose. We are here to experience unconditional love and forgiveness toward every sentient beings. As we awaken to these enlightenment times we will know that in the core of our existence, we are here to be light and love. When we serve our humanity, we become one with all that is. Connecting to the Source of one, one love and one soul.

We get lost in our mundane lives, forgetting our truth and reacting to what is around us. The chaos and sufferings of humanity is about not becoming aware of what we truly are. We forget that we are here because of love and that everything that we experience is here to teach us lessons of love. When our veils are lifted, we see beyond these dramas and sufferings. We become light, allowing the flow of life to unfold to us what we are meant to be. It is not easy to be centered and peaceful when you are surrounded by people in fear and pain. The only way to keep your balance is to stay in the present moment and stay heart centered. Knowing that what is presented to you is a door of opportunity to serve, to give love and light to this soul.

The sufferings that we feel and see are but experiences that our souls are going through like dark nights of the souls, we are made stronger every time we pass through these hard times. Our blueprints in the Akashic Records evolve when we endure and surpass these difficult times. We evolve and understand another layer of our human existence through out the history of mankind. As we become more conscious of our light body, we become less dense and understand the laws of the universe. We become more attune with what our body needs, we stop reacting to others actions and behaviors, our mind is clear and peaceful, we stay heart centered and happy in our predispositions. We stop judging others and feel more compassionate towards their lives. This is the awaken state, when we are one with ourselves and others, oneness with all that is.

Let us wake up and align with our collective consciousness of mankind to uplift our sorrows, fears and worries. In this way we create a peaceful world, no wars and no sufferings, an enlightened state of world. This can be attain when we focus on love and pay no attention to fear. Be light and love with all of your thoughts, words and actions. The rippling effect is creating miracles just like a drop of water in the ocean. Awareness of what we came here for is necessary to continue this spiritual path of light worker. Spend time with nature and have time for silence and meditation. These practices will help you to tap into your inner self and connect to your soul.

Let us not waste anymore time about our existence, let us join our hands, thoughts and prayers for a better and peaceful world. With all of us, our consciousness will take a leap into our heavenly state, Nirvana is here when we want to see this to happen. Put your attention to peace, love and joy, stay away from fearful thoughts and judgements about others. We are all the same souls experiencing human conditions. Let us change and shift our collective consciousness into the truth of our existence which is our spirit, our souls sharing love and light into humanity.

Blessings of love and light!
Teza

Our heart is the magnifying force that sends the electrical impulse connecting to the vast expansive universe. All living things that have hearts can create and connect these pulsating electrical energies towards the evolution of human consciousness. We are the extension of this strong force field that unites our hearts into one universal light. When we come together towards one unified intention like peace and forgiveness. We create and magnify this love in our conscious living Earth. There are different ways of transcending your ways of evolution and one of them is being one with the rest of humanity’s intention of peace and harmony.

The grieving process that you are going through is releasing your attachments to things that are impermanent and teaching you a lesson of compassion. The process will take sometime to heal but if you remember that you are infinitesimal soul, that you really don’t die but have this eternal life. Your perspective about death changes, and shift your perception about life and death. When you die you lose your physical body, the vessel of your soul. Your consciousness is here creating everything within and around you. You are the universe and the universe is within you. The micro cells within the macro cells of the universe. Your physical reality is created in the spirit where your blueprint resides. 

Losing someone you love is a devastating experience. We are attached to their physical presence and we miss everything about them because we don’t see them anymore. We don’t really die, our soul’s are eternal and we are in this space everytime our loved ones remember to call us. There is no time and space in this infinite space of the source. We are all fragmented parts of God’s soul, when we die we go back to the source and we are one with all that is. The physical lifetime that we have here is impermanent and uncertain that is why we need to treasure our present moments because that is all we have.

As we shift into the multidimensions of the universal fields we become align and atune to the vorteces of energetic fields. We feel the flow of our energetic imprints and others around us. We become sensitive to know what works and what blocks us in our understanding of life. We become aware of our old limiting beliefs and what holds us in this spiral depressions of losing someone we love. Let go of the pain, allow the window of fresh air to breathe and bring you new perspective. Invite your new self to see the beauty of every soul that is here with us in infinite time and space.

This letter was written on May 10, 2004 to my father for our healing and I also talked about this is in my You tube site which is under “Tezamysticangel” which has now attracted 81,400 viewers since I’ve opened it on 2008.

Happy 85′th birthday! I’m writing this letter because I want to put a closure to my healing wounds. In doing so I will be able to let go of all the feelings that I wasn’t able to tell you because of so many reasons. I will help the little girl in me to have a voice and finally be heard. To continue to grow in trust and safety in God’s hands.

Papa, I wanted you to know that I’ve forgiven you for all the things that you’ve done to me in the past. Bur deep inside of me there are so many unspoken pains and unhealed memories of the past that needed to be in the light. In order to dispel the power of darkness. What I mean to say is that I needed to tell you so that it will not come back to haunt me anymore. Like a ghost restless and haunting. I still remembered growing up, you used to call me in your room and seduced me with fruits to go inside and you would tell me that it’s our secret. Then, you would ask me to remove my uniform shirt because it was too hot and I would do that and ate my fruits and watched tv. I can vividly remember how you watched and lusted for me. I didn’t knkow better because you were my father. I thought love is seduction and lust. I would feel important, special and wanted because this is the way you shared love to me. Why did you do this? Are you sick?

For whatever reasons the damage was done and I was broken. I didn’t know that this is the way a father should treat his daughter. The most hurful part of this is when you sucked my breast after the abortion. Do you know how deep is the wound that you have stubbed me in my heart? It felt like a sword had cut right through my heart. I lost my true identiy as a woman. I don’t know how to trust, love and respect my body. I don’t know the concept of boundary because of your trespasses. I don’t know my self worth, it felt like a garbage dirty and not wanted. These are all the ugly feelings that resulted from what you had sowed in my little girl’s heart. I’m not going through counseling and it was revealed to me that I needed to write a letter to heal my deepest wounds.

Papa, I’ve truly forgiven you. This letter will surely hurt but the intention is to share with you my deepest sorrows, in order for me to heal completely. This is from the past and I know God wants me to bury this behind. Out of this experience I became closer to God, telling Him all my heartaches. I would like to end this with a prayer for both of us.

Dearest God,

We thank you for bringing us together in spirit, being able to voice out my feelings and opening my wounds to my father. To bring a closure to the past. We ask you for forgiveness, compassion and mercy. Thank you for renewing our minds, body and souls. Transform us into your image and use us as instruments of your healing power. That with our story we could touch other souls who are going through the same darkness. Thank you for bringing your light into our hearts. The light that heals and comforts our broken hearts. Thank you for being a Father to all of us, and I ask you to bless my father and fill his heart with complete joy, love and peace. We ask you this through Christ our Lord Amen.

Praying for healing and true forgiveness,
Teza

From death to life: a teeanage abortion survivor tells her story

This is my written testimony on May 21, 2001 that I wrote in The B.C. Catholic newspaper and I’m here and inspired to share this to all to promote the sanctity of life.

This is what the Lord says; “A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more.”

“Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded, ” declares the Lord. “They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future,” declares the Lord. “Your children will return to their own land.”(Jer. 31:15-17)

This is the start of the story of Jasmine, my sweet angel. I knew all along God had a bigger plan for my life, because I believe He will never allow these trials if not for a purpose. In writing this story I ask God to guide me in this calling, it’s a calling because I would not be telling you my life story if not for His glory. God seems to have designed my heart this way. Deeply, I don’t have shame, guilt, fear or desire to be secretive about this situation because in my heart I believe the truth will set you free! Nothing is hidden in His eyes, and I will gladly serve others by my experience if it will bring forth good fruits.

I was living in the Phillippines when it happend; I was just 14 when my parents decided that we would be moving to California. My parents left ahead of me, and I was left under the supervision of my brother. Unfortunately, my brother was quite over protective and insecure. He was physically and verbally abusive towards me. Due to confusion and abandonement, I became a rebel. I had a boyfriend and decided to take revenge on my brother. On my brother’s birthday I dared my boyfriend to make love to me. What a dumb idea but at that time I needed love and validation. I became pregnant.

My parents returned from California. They were worried about the family’s reputation, and my father and brother told me that I had to choose to either marry my boyfriend or abort the baby. I was very depressed, because I wanted to keep the baby but did not want to get married. The next thing I knew my brother and sister took me to a stranger’s house. I can vividly picture the house of that abortionist. There were lots of statues of saints, and in the bedroom where she did the abortions there were fetuses inside the jars, in alignment.

I was very shocked and hurt to see this. I never uttered a word. It was like going to a death sentence. She asked me to lie down and inserted a catheter. I was numb and mentally blank. I felt abused and was dying inside. She told my family that the baby would not be expelled until the next day, so we left. We went to my other brother’s house, because my parents didn’t want me back home. Around 3 o’clock in the morning I was bleeding and in extreme pain. I went to void and felt something. I looked and in the toilet and there was a little mass of blood. Shocked, I screamed at my sister and she flushed the toilet. I was hemorrhaging. My brother wrapped me in a blanket and ran for a taxi, carrying me all the way.

They returned me to that abortionist, and she performed a D and C without anaesthesia. I was in agony but my agony was about losing my baby not about the physical pain. She said I was the only person (on whom she had performed such a procedure) who didn’t scream in pain. She didn’t know that I was dying inside. After a couple of weeks I returned to my parents. But I felt lonely, because nobody talked to me. It was as if everybody was avoiding me. I started isolating myself to the point of not leaving my room for a month. I went into a deep depression. I remember my sister said to me “I missed your laughter, what happend to you?” The vibrant teenager that they knew was gone. In my loneliness I continually blamed God and angry at the world. I wanted to die.

Finally, my family couldn’t handle me anymore, I went to hospital and stayed for a month, being treated with strong anti- depressant medications. I started seeing a Psychiatrist and was put into therapy. I remember I wrote a letter addressed to my family and titled it “Open book,” about my feelings. It was a beautiful book and I wish I had kept it for you to know how a teenager feels when she had been stripped away of her rights. A right to give life!

The story didn’t end there my depression stayed with me till 18 yrs of age. I came to Canada and stayed at my brother’s place for a vacation. I found out that they were unable to have children. They were married for 10 yrs, I really felt bad about it. I said a novena to Our Lady of Perpetual Help for them.

I got pregnant again. This time I did something right. I hid it from my family for six months so they could not kill my child. I dedicated my baby to my brother. Every night, I talked to my child and told him that I’m doing this because of love. I knew I couldn’t provide for him, and he wasn’t going to have a father if I kept him because again I didn’t want to commit. Matt Anthony was born and he was a gift from God. I told God that this is my offering for the abortion that I had when I was 15. Even though it wasn’t my plan to commit that hideous sin, I still felt responsible, because it was my body that was used. The guilt that I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders. When Matt was two months old, I gave him to my brother.

I had an awesome revelation during a retreat I recently went on. I know God wants me to do something about my experience. I was reading Jeremiah in my Bible and thought that Rachel sounded familiar. I remembered seeing Project Rachel on the bulletin board of Our Lady of Mercy church. It is an organization that helps women with post-abortion issues. I talked to my parish priest and ask him “where do aborted babies go father?”He replied, “in the palm of God’s hands!” My heart leaped for joy knowing Jasmine, my sweet angel, is with God waiting and praying for me.